I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
