I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life