So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life