i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling