a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"