you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dating After Heartbreak
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.