2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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