i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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