who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
