whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders