If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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splinters make it hard to masturbate
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?