I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.