did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.