Dude i fell asleep inside of her
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel