I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You ate ashes out of my bong