dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
