Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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