if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
