well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
