when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
