Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
