I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
