I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize