Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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