remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My breasts were aching with rage.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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