To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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