I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
