You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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