Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?