Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?