You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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