I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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