I heard we made out
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
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And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.