Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!