I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night