Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.