I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?