Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision