just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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