and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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