my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
