happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize