i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
