I can text with my tongue
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
