We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
