YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
