So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Two words: blizzard sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize