angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
