he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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