I want to have your abortion
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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