You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize