for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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