i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
