That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
