Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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