Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
