I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
