Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize