She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
