it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.