You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.