You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?