There is too much vodka and too much dick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.