She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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