the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
