I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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