If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
